I found this article online at adoption.com and wanted to share this with you. Because I am battling with the issue of letting JJ and Jezz meet their Bmother this time we are going to Thailand? We met her before, but then they were too young to understand and so they have no recollection of this meeting. But now the girls are 8 and they asked me if we could meet her. At first I said SURE! But actually I am not that sure... YET!
The girls are still young and I am afraid that a meeting with the Bmother and seeing the surroundings she is living in maybe a bit too shocking for them to understand and comprehend. What if the girls have nightmares later, I want to protect them maybe a few more years. And go back when they are teenagers and understand the situation a bit better....
WHAT DO YOU THINK? OR WHAT WOULD YOU DO??
My fear is that it will haunt the girls, and they will be constantly worried about how she is etc.. They are still young... 8 years old, but I am also afraid that considering the average life expectancy is not that high in the poorer community in Thailand and that in a few years when the girls are ready to meet her that she is not around anymore, or so sick that it will be even more traumatizing to see her.... She is now 49 years old, but looks quite older, and she doesn't look like a healthy, vibrant fairytale woman that the girls have in mind!
I am in a dilemma!! And I need your input!! When I read the article below, I am thinking maybe NOW is the time for a meeting! But I am afraid for the unknown and want to protect them! They don't ask that many questions yet, but I know there will come a time that the girls are wondering who they look like, who's brown eyes do I have? Do I look like my dad or my mom etc.. etc..
So read the article below and please give me your input. What would you do if you have the opportunity to meet the Bmother and maybe even the Bfather, do it now or wait??
If you have ever read the children’s book, “Are You My Mother?” by P.D. Eastman, you have some idea what people who are adopted feel like.
Can you imagine not knowing simple, taken-for-granted information about yourself? For instance, knowing your medical background, the time you were born, what hospital you were born in and many other important and emotional facts.
Do you know who you look like in your family? Adoptees are not able to answer this question unless both biological or natural parents and the adoptee “voluntarily” — usually after many years — are in good enough health and mental capacity to actively register and agree to physically connect or share pertinent information.
There can be medical conditions in the family, but the adoptee is not privy to that information unless the voluntary registration has occurred, which requires a fee to the adoption agency and or the state. Imagine not being allowed to know your medical history. If you have children, they also are unaware of at least half of their history.
Mother’s Day and Father’s Day become filled with mixed emotions. I was very fortunate to have been placed for adoption through the Onondaga County Department of Social Services. My natural mother saved me from a life of poverty in a family where I would have been the seventh child. She made a very difficult decision to release me to what came to be a wonderful, two-parent family who later added a son. My experience is a good one, and there are many who are not this fortunate.
All adoptees go through life wondering about themselves and have an empty space filled with the unknown. It is always possible that we live in the same community as our natural family and neither party is aware of it. Consider always staring at people in public, wondering if because they have a similar nose, they just might be related; looking over your shoulder in a checkout line, wondering if he or she could be your mother, father, brothers, sisters or other extended family members.
I have got to believe that since all three of my children strongly resemble me, my natural family has very strong physical similarities. You probably know someone who has adopted, is adopted or has placed a child for adoption. It is also possible you know one of these cases and are just not aware of it. Please help these people you know find the lost part of themselves by supporting the bills to amend adoptees’ rights. We need to improve the bills — A8410 and S5269 of the Health Law — by adding section 4138-e. This will allow adoptees, when they reach the age of 18, to receive a copy of their original birth certificate and updated medical histories.
Remember, it is possible one of these situations is or can be part of your family history. Let’s help everyone to have their true family background. Genealogy has become a big concern for families. Please help to keep our histories well-known, especially for the future of our families.
by Susan Trody Huppmann.
Let me know how you feel! I appreciate your input!
Have a Marvellous Monday!